It's that fear of the unknown. Of walking into a familiar place and not knowing where you are. Forgetting who you are. Being accosted by memories. Glimpses of a past you. A previous lifetime. It's the lead up. The buildup. The knowledge of what if.
The moments before are just as bad as during. The anticipation and over obsessing that make the actual moment worse. Almost unbearable. Thoughts of nothing else. No matter how prepared you are, that moment knocks the breath right out of your chest. Your brain pauses. Your heart stops beating for one tiny, little second.
A millisecond of eye contact. One intimate moment shared. If it was a movie, still pictures would flash through your mind. Time would slow down. Nothing else would exist. Familiar and foreign at the exact same time.
Then in a flash it's over. As if it never happened. Maybe it never happened. All made up. Imagination gone wild. The mind playing tricks on the heart. But the anxiety blazes through every vein. Pulses beat throughout the body. A packed room keeps the body erect. Standing still. In place.
And then life goes back. Back to normal. Time fast forwards to the present. No more glimpses of the past. The mind is propelled back to reality. The body can stand on its own. Control returns. And life goes on. Once again.