Monday, May 26, 2014

Sun-kissed

Roadtripping
Ultimate therapy
Open road
Mountain view 
God's creation 
Beauty 
Zero traffic 
Windows down
Hair flying 
Music blasting 
Sun-kissed arms 
Freedom
Clear mind
Peace
Complete
Whole 
Pause on life 
Break from reality 
Time alone 
Breath of fresh air
Hours of clarity 
Much needed 

Traffic
Home 
Back to reality. 




Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Accountability

It seems self awareness is not enough. Instead, how bout we go to three different therapists. The goal is to find meaning in something. In life. To find accountability. To actually be held accountable. By someone else. From yourself. Setting goals is a scary thing. Once they're set, they need to be completed. No backing out. Must choose to face reality and not hide behind distractions. Cut off the ball and chain that has always been dragging behind. Take one step forward. Instead of the constant million steps back.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

A Response

I've thought a lot about what to write to you. I've wanted to respond for months. There's something stopping me. Pride maybe? I can't admit that my life is hell. I can't verbalize it properly. And I can't justify it or downplay things. That's what I would end up doing. I can't pretend that everything is ok. That I'm ok. I would be lying. I'm struggling and I can't ask for help. I don't know how. I refuse to admit defeat. I have to keep up appearances. The outside world has to think I'm strong. I must fool them all. The problem is that I couldn't fool you. I couldn't fake it around you. You saw right through me. And that scared me. And now I've taken too long. Let it go too far. And I don't know how to fix things. Repair a broken bridge. I think about it daily and yet I haven't done anything about it. Now what?

Mother's Day Part 1

Early
Yard work
Full face of makeup
Flip flops
Long, flowy skirt
Ten minutes early
Five minutes late
Public
Gluten Free
Lactaid pills
Sauce
Undershirt
Nursing Home
Diaper
Tea Party
Family
Slides
Friends
Shopping
Hot flashes
Flip flops
Lines
Song
Bed





Sunday, May 4, 2014

Far Away From Here

Goodbye to my little brother
Going back to another life 
A life far away 
From here
From this reality 
Gets to live his own life 
A real life 
Healthy and free 
For himself 
Unburdened 
Unaffected 
Carefree 

Not jealous. Nope.