Self Induced Rut

I'm going crazy. I never fell asleep. I laid in bed and tossed and turned. My sister dragged me out of bed and made me get dressed. She wanted to go driving. I'm trying to figure out why this was such a crappy day. Was it only because I was tired. Is that why I was so cranky.

I'm convinced that its because I'm ovulating. Funny how that natural bodily process is so meaningless now. And yet is seem to affect me way too often. One more month of wasted eggs. Down the drain, or should I just say tube.

So much has happened in my mind, but nothing has actually changed in my life. Not one darned thing. Life remains status quo. And while that has made me really happy and content for the last year, I am getting restless to be doing something more. Living a more productive and meaningful life.

So now what? How do I get out if this self induced rut? Do I wake up tomorrow and continue this agonizing existence and lifestyle? I can't even convince myself to make a plan. To make a change. I need to find that list of things I wanted to do. I need to want to do something. Anything. And I need to not think about the past. It doesn't help at all. It makes me crazy.

Here's to hoping tomorrow will be better.