I always compared this city to a used condom with a hole. It's like this. Everyone passes around the same condom and keeps trying to reuse it. But it's no good. It's barely there. No one seems to notice. And then they swap partners. Lets all share. One big happy family. It's sick. It's revolting. How many people can look around the room and say they've been with more people then they can count. And it's all the same people. It's almost incestuous. This guy dated the girl and now he's married to someone else and she's engaged. But lets all be friends. One big happy family.
I go to this party. It's downtown in a "classy" bar. I know I'm going to be miserable so I put a brave face on. I know I'll be way overdressed. Of course I get lost. And then parking is a nightmare. I haven't been out on a Saturday night in I'm not sure how long. A long time. I don't own any partying clothes. Don't remember what dressing sexy looks like. I'm plain Jane.
I get there and I'm the only one who remembered to put on any clothes. I know I used to wear very little when I frequented the bar scene. But I always wore a coat. These girls are practically naked. Downing drink after drink. Non kosher food actually smells heavenly. I'm reminded of a time not so long ago where I would have totally fit in, totally ordered some odd delicacy. Gotten tipsy with the best of them. But not tonight. Not in this life time. I see the religious folk start trickling in and I realize the time has come. Time to exit the scene. I kiss the birthday girl goodnight, share pleasantries with the required and gladly escape.
I make it home in record time. And for once, I'm not bitter I'm alone. Theirs is not a lifestyle I envy. I take off the smoke stained clothing. The shower is turned extra hot. Scrub out the unnecessary hair spray. Wash off that second coating of mascara. And I am clean. I am free. I am content in my choices. Happy with my lifestyle. I know this is right. Glad to have had a glimpse at a life that could have been mine. But I realize that it's not a life. It's all a facade. Doing the right thing is what I want. This IS who I want to be.