So I've been thinking a lot about different things. And you're right, I don't have goals. Or maybe I hide them well. I do have goals, I'm just scared to try and accomplish them. It's easier to do nothing and then I can't fail. When really all I am is one big failure. I have not really accomplished anything. Yeah I have survive two major hospital stays and beat one nasty disease. But is that all I am? A survivor with nothing real to show? Barely living? Yeah I survived a really hard marriage and an even more painful divorce. But what am I now? Is that what defines me? A divorcee? Yeah I survive without the love of a mother. And it's an accomplishment that I get up every morning and that I am here alive. But who am I really? Am I a survivor? Or am I just pulling through, barely holding on. What do I really have to show for myself. What can I truly be proud of. What will make feel fulfilled and worthwhile.
I took one step towards my future today. Gold star. Gold star.