Anxious Sound

I guess it's a good thing I didn't really know where we were going ahead of time. As I rushed home from work, I realized where we were headed. Following the GPS, my anxiety level starts to climb. Memories try to infiltrate my mind. It's slightly hard to breathe.

Then I remember that this is not about me. This is not for me. I am not going in for me. I get to leave.

I am sitting in a room filled with deaf people. They are tied together even though they are all from different walks of life. They all have cochlear implants.

I wonder how I dared think of myself on the ride here. These people around me are grateful for something I find so basic. They are cherishing hearing the speaker's voice. Something they couldn't do a few years ago. They are not reading lips. They are hearing sound.

How can I be so selfish. Why do I get anxious about entering a building. This place is just that. It's only a building. So what if trauma happened here. So what If the past haunts me here. I can hear. I can listen and understand. It is a gift.

I am lucky. I get to walk out of here this time. I am not in pain. I am not dying.

Oh and I can hear.

Grateful.