Don't bother asking me for forgiveness. That's not what the New Year is about. It is not about you clearing your conscious at the last minute. Don't send me a generic message wishing me well. I don't buy it.
When did trying to be a good person only matter at the last minute, just before G-d closes the door on all your opportunities. Guess what: you had all year to say hello to me. You had all year to be nice to me and not be a total witch. But instead, you chose to behave negatively towards me and others throughout the last year. So guess what, I don't feel like forgiving you. Does that make me a bad person. Does that give G-d reason to not forgive me. Who knows.
What I do know is that I can look back on the last year and feel good. I don't mean to come off haughty. But I came a long way. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am a new, better version of me. And when i pound my chest during Al Cheyt, I am hoping it won't be as difficult as previous years. I am hoping that it won't be as painful, that I will feel the normal amount of regret. Is that too presumptuous of me. Is this the supposed yetzer hara taking over and letting me feel confident as I approach my prayers tonight. Should I really be nervous of the upcoming plan G-d will allot for me.
I go into this upcoming holiday with my head held high, ready to face my Creator. I am not ashamed for Him to look through my last year. And I hope I have proven that I am worthy of being here. That I am worthy of having a happy life. That I am worthy of good things.
Cheers to a New Year.