Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Cheers to the Frikkin New Year

Don't bother asking me for forgiveness. That's not what the New Year is about. It is not about you clearing your conscious at the last minute. Don't send me a generic message wishing me well. I don't buy it.
When did trying to be a good person only matter at the last minute, just before G-d closes the door on all your opportunities. Guess what: you had all year to say hello to me. You had all year to be nice to me and not be a total witch. But instead, you chose to behave negatively towards me and others throughout the last year. So guess what, I don't feel like forgiving you. Does that make me a bad person. Does that give G-d reason to not forgive me. Who knows.
What I do know is that I can look back on the last year and feel good. I don't mean to come off haughty. But I came a long way. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am a new, better version of me. And when i pound my chest during Al Cheyt, I am hoping it won't be as difficult as previous years. I am hoping that it won't be as painful, that I will feel the normal amount of regret. Is that too presumptuous of me. Is this the supposed yetzer hara taking over and letting me feel confident as I approach my prayers tonight. Should I really be nervous of the upcoming plan G-d will allot for me.
I go into this upcoming holiday with my head held high, ready to face my Creator. I am not ashamed for Him to look through my last year. And I hope I have proven that I am worthy of being here. That I am worthy of having a happy life. That I am worthy of good things.
Cheers to a New Year. 

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