Sun-kissed

Roadtripping

Ultimate therapy

Open road

Mountain view 

God's creation 

Beauty 

Zero traffic 

Windows down

Hair flying 

Music blasting 

Sun-kissed arms 

Freedom

Clear mind

Peace

Complete

Whole 

Pause on life 

Break from reality 

Time alone 

Breath of fresh air

Hours of clarity 

Much needed 

Traffic

Home 

Back to reality. 

Boxed in

Accountability

It seems self awareness is not enough. Instead, how bout we go to three different therapists. The goal is to find meaning in something. In life. To find accountability. To actually be held accountable. By someone else. From yourself. Setting goals is a scary thing. Once they're set, they need to be completed. No backing out. Must choose to face reality and not hide behind distractions. Cut off the ball and chain that has always been dragging behind. Take one step forward. Instead of the constant million steps back.

A Response

I've thought a lot about what to write to you. I've wanted to respond for months. There's something stopping me. Pride maybe? I can't admit that my life is hell. I can't verbalize it properly. And I can't justify it or downplay things. That's what I would end up doing. I can't pretend that everything is ok. That I'm ok. I would be lying. I'm struggling and I can't ask for help. I don't know how. I refuse to admit defeat. I have to keep up appearances. The outside world has to think I'm strong. I must fool them all. The problem is that I couldn't fool you. I couldn't fake it around you. You saw right through me. And that scared me. And now I've taken too long. Let it go too far. And I don't know how to fix things. Repair a broken bridge. I think about it daily and yet I haven't done anything about it. Now what?

Mother's Day Part 1

Early
Yard work
Full face of makeup
Flip flops
Long, flowy skirt
Ten minutes early
Five minutes late
Public
Gluten Free
Lactaid pills
Sauce
Undershirt
Nursing Home

Diaper
Tea Party
Family
Slides
Friends
Shopping
Hot flashes
Flip flops
Lines
Song
Bed

Far Away From Here

Goodbye to my little brother

Going back to another life 

A life far away 

From here

From this reality 

Gets to live his own life 

A real life 

Healthy and free 

For himself 

Unburdened 

Unaffected 

Carefree 

Not jealous. Nope.